The Maze of Lostness

Feeling lost is a common experience, especially for young adults navigating the complexities of life transitions, past traumas, and societal pressures. You might feel like you're wandering aimlessly, unsure of your purpose, or disconnected from your true self. The weight of uncertainty can be heavy, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and unfulfilled.

Studies suggest that a significant portion of young adults experience feelings of lostness and a lack of direction.

A 2017 survey by Deloitte found that only 48% of millennials felt they had a clear sense of purpose. This sense of disorientation can impact various aspects of life, from career choices to relationships to overall well-being.

As a life coach who has journeyed through the maze of lostness, I understand the struggle firsthand. I've felt the weight of self-doubt, the sting of unfulfilled dreams, and the yearning for a life that feels truly meaningful.

But I've also learned that it's possible to emerge from the maze and create a life that you love. It's a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and intentional action. It's about finding your voice, embracing your passions, and aligning your life with your values.

Why Feeling Lost is a Catalyst for Growth

While feeling lost can be uncomfortable and even painful, it can also be a catalyst for profound growth and transformation. It signals a need for change, an opportunity to re-evaluate your priorities, and a chance to step onto a path that is more aligned with your authentic self.

As the author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says, "Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on."

Feeling lost can be a wake-up call, a gentle nudge from the universe inviting you to explore new possibilities, shed old patterns, and create a life that truly lights you up.

In my experience, I've always found that when I've been lost or watched someone close to me be in the middle of wondering, while in the moment it may feel heavy and painful, as long as you keep searching you will be found.

I've never heard or meet anyone who created a fulfilling life, found success and achievement in their relationship or career who did not go through hardships or at one point find themselves lost.

These moments are to embrace, because as I heard someone once say on a podcast "Are you lost? Good. Because that means you are about to be found."

5 Steps to Self-Discovery: What To Do To Be Found

Here are 5 steps to find yourself and start creating that life you'll love. These 5 steps I apply in my own life, even today. Because the journey of self-discovery and growth never ends.

1. Embrace Self-Reflection:

• Journaling: Set aside time each day to write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Explore questions like: What brings me joy? What are my strengths and values? What kind of impact do I want to make in the world?

  These reflective and empowering question will help you gain insights into yourself and find answers to some of the questions you may have been seeking.

  Thoughts are a matter of questions and answers. Listen next and pay attention to the thoughts inside your own head. You realize that you are either asking yourself questions, or stating answers.

• Mindfulness: Practice being present in the moment, observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. This can help you gain clarity and understand your inner world.

  It can also help you control and regulate your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. Meditations isn't just about sitting still and trying not to think. On the contrary, it's about sitting in stillness with your thoughts, watching them past by like clouds in the sky and not reacting, getting upset and invested in them.

  Start small if you don't meditate or journal. Writing a sentence a day for your first month of journaling will help build the habit of self-reflecting. And please, don't give up. At first, especially with meditation, it's going to feel useless and not worth it. But trust me, if you ar econsistent, it totally is.

  Exercise: Mindful Breathing:

  1. Find a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.

  2. Bring your attention to your breath, noticing the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation of air entering and leaving your nostrils.

  3. When your mind wanders (and it will!), gently bring your attention back to your breath.

  4. Practice for 5-10 minutes daily.

• Personality Assessments: Explore tools like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or the Enneagram to gain insights into your personality traits, strengths, and weaknesses.

  Resources:

• Book: "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron

• Meditation App: Balance (try it free!)

• Journal/Notebook

• Blog Post: Stream-of-Consciousness Journaling

2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs:

• Identify Negative Self-Talk: Pay attention to the critical voices in your head. What are they saying? Where did these beliefs originate?

  Limiting beliefs are the main things in our lives that hold us back in my opinion from what I've noticed from other people. That's why I've mentioned them and wrote a whole blog post about it in my blog.

  If you can attack and being to reframe your limiting beliefs, you'll see over time that your life will start to change. The way you feel about yourself and hold yourself will start to improve. It's actually quite an amazing thing!

• Reframe Your Narrative: Challenge those limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering affirmations. Remember, your past does not define your future.

  There are tones of exercises and ways to reframe your self-talk. One of my favorites and the one I use till this day, is simply reframing my self-talk to the third person.

  "Eddy, don't talk to yourself like that. You can do this." and "You need to take a breath and apologize for the way you reacted to your niece."

  Simply by reframing to the third person, we change our perspective from subjective and internal to objective and external. Looking at our thoughts and behavior like a fly on the wall.

• Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or coach to help you navigate self-doubt and negative thought patterns.

  Sometimes we just need an outside perspective. I truly believe that we cannot do everything on our own, especially personal growth and overcoming adversity.

  If it wasn't for my mentors in high school, I wouldn't be where I am today. If it wasn't for the role models, (even today I have some, as well as coaches and a support group) I would probably still be lost.

  When we bring someone from the outside and ask their advice or opinion on something, their response is based off of one thing and maybe the most important thing - our behavior.

  They can't see or hear our thoughts or emotions unless we speak whatever we think into existence (please don't do that) or always have huge emotional outbursts.

  While it's important to know who you feel and what you are, what's most important to figuring out who you are is by our behavior. By what you actually do.

  Resources:

• Blog Post: Conquering Your Limiting Beliefs

• Free Resource: Cognitive Restructuring Workbook

• Book: "The Mountain is You" by Brianna Wiest

3. Explore Your Passions:

• Try New Things: Step outside your comfort zone and explore new hobbies, activities, or interests.

  Sometimes we may not actually know what it is that we enjoy or find fulfillment in. This is why it's important to explore at ever age and any point in our lives. Because ultimately, we are constantly changing and evolving.

  Maybe you would enjoy playing chess, or getting into the gym and learning about fitness and nutrition! My interests are always changing, and luckily I am an openminded person so I am always exploring new things.

  Recently, about 4 years about during the pandemic, I picked up playing Dungeons and Dragons! I never would have thought that a role playing game like that would be my cup of tea, but not only do I love it, I love the people that I get to play it with!

• Reflect on What Brings You Joy: What activities make you lose track of time? What are you naturally drawn to?

• Connect with Your Values: Identify your core values and explore how they can guide your choices and actions.

  What we value is what we are drawn to. It's absolutely true. One of the best ways to figure out what you value is simple by being present and observing what you DO.

  Your behavior (notice how I'm talking about behavior again?) is crucial to recognizing your values. Because what you do and how you act is all guided by what you value in life.

  Maybe thats connection. You are naturally always trying to relate or connect with others, possible even if they weren't very kind to you.

  Maybe you value security, so you are drawn to finances and making a lot of money to ensure that you are financially secure in your life.

  You might be thinking, "no, Eddy. I value money, not security!"

  While I get you might think that, we don't actually value resources (that's what money is.) We value emotional states. We value what the money will give us.

  I will make sure to write a blog article on this topic as there is way more depth to it that I can put here.

4. Set Meaningful Goals:

• Create a Vision: Visualize your ideal life and what you want to achieve in different areas.

  I can't stress this one enough. This is one of my favorite parts about coaching young adults, especially those who feel lost, directionless, and like there is no hope.

  Without a vision, people parish. It's a saying I believe from the bible and while I am not religious (nothing against religion by the way) I know this to be true. It is 100% accurate.

  If you don't have a vision, you are essentially wondering around in life aimlessly. Look at any successful or fulfilled human on this planet and they will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that they had a vision of where they want their life to be and what they wanted their life to look like.

  I've always been good at thinking of the bigger picture and creating a vision for my life. I actually used to get put into special car and examined by doctors because my mom thought there was psychologically wrong with me because I zoned out a lot.

  Truth is, I was day dreaming. I was and still am a day dreamer. I am a visionary, and it's why today I am an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs are visionaries.

• Set SMART Goals: Make your goals specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

  Or don't! I don't. I mention them because it's one of the few frameworks of goal setting that has been scientifically proven to work.

  SMART goals are a perfect framework if you tend to get easily overwhelmed when things seem too big or too out of reach. They also break down the goals in so many aspects that your target is so clear that if you were to hit it or not, you would absolutely know.

  My goal setting system is more vague and out of reach, because it's not only how I like to set my goals, but I believe it helps me grow and get stronger even more so.

  I set what are called "stretch goals." They are goals that are obviously out of reach and looking at them there is almost no way you are going to hit them.

  Why do I set these kind of goals? Because studies have proven that stretch goals can actually help you get farther and grow more than SMART goals.

  There is a wonderful book by a woman named Angela Duckworth who sis a psychologist that studied grit. She studied professional athletes and the like to determine what factor or trait that they had that made them a step above everyone else.

  If you set stretch goals and something out of reach does not deter you, what usually happens is that if you set a smaller, manageable, and more achievable goal you may and probably will hit it. But, if you set a stretch goal that is totally out of reach, you may not hit it, but guess what...you will accomplish more and improve further than if you set a SMART goal!

• Break It Down: Divide larger goals into smaller, actionable steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

  I do this with my yearly stretch goals. A year is too far away and give you too much time to slack off and not make any progress until it's near the deadline and you've already wasted so much time.

  It's why new years resolutions never work. So a great way to break down your goals is by turning those yearly goals into quarterly goals (3 month or 90 day goals). This creates more urgency and gives you a piece of the target to make sure you know that you are making progress.

  With those quarterly goals, you can create 12 weekly goals to break down those quarterly goals even further and make sure that you have objectives each week that add on to your progress towards your quarterly and yearly goals.

  Then daily tasks or activities. What are you going to do today to move the needle closer towards your goals and vision?

• Take Action: Start taking small steps towards your goals, even if they seem insignificant at first. Consistency is key.

Resources:

• Book: "The 12 Week Year" by Brain P. Moran & Michael Lennington

• Book: "Your Best Year Ever" by Michael Hyatt

5. Build Healthy Habits:

Creating positive habits is like building a sturdy bridge to your goals. It's about taking consistent, intentional action, even when motivation is low. But don't worry, it doesn't have to be overwhelming! Remember, even the most impressive structures are built one brick at a time.

• Identify Desired Behaviors: What habits would support your goals and well-being? (e.g., exercise, healthy eating, meditation, reading).

• Start Small: Begin with one or two new habits and focus on consistency rather than intensity.

  Want to start working out? Go to the gym for 10-15 minutes. Want to eat healthier? Drink one glass of water or replace on snack with an apple.

  If you try to go too big at first, you'll ultimately fail in my experience. When you start small, you make it manageable and less overwhelming.

  Be kind and give yourself some grace. People want to change their life in a second, which they can, but that's not from changing all your habits all at once.

  How you change your life in a instance is simple with this: Make a CHOICE or a DECISION. That's how your life changes.

• Create Systems: Design your environment and routines to make the desired behaviors easier and more enjoyable.

1. Make it Obvious: Place visual cues or reminders in your environment to prompt the desired behavior. For example, leave your workout clothes out the night before or keep a bowl of fruit on your kitchen counter.

2. Make it Attractive: Pair the desired behavior with something you enjoy. For example, listen to your favorite podcast while you exercise or reward yourself with a relaxing bath after completing a challenging task.

3. Make it Easy: Reduce friction and simplify the steps involved in the new habit. For example, prepare healthy snacks ahead of time or set up a designated workspace to minimize distractions.

4. Make it Satisfying: Celebrate your successes and create positive associations with the new habit. This could involve tracking your progress, rewarding yourself, or sharing your achievements with a supportive friend or community.

• Celebrate Your Progress: Acknowledge your efforts and reward yourself for sticking to your new habits.

  Resources:

• Book: "Atomic Habits" by James Clear

• Book: "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg

• Book: "Tiny Habits" By BJ Fogg

My Story: From Lost to Leader

My own journey to self-discovery was marked by detours and roadblocks. Growing up with an addicted parent, I struggled to find my place in the world. I didn't have a male role model or a father figure to help guide me so I sought validation in all the wrong places, numbing my pain with substances and unhealthy relationships.

But a pivotal moment in a jail cell, facing the consequences of my choices, sparked a desire for change. I embarked on a journey of self-reflection, seeking guidance from mentors and immersing myself in personal development.

Through this process, I discovered my passion for helping others and my unique ability to connect with young adults facing similar challenges. I learned to challenge my limiting beliefs, embrace my imperfections, and create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Today, I'm dedicated to guiding others on their own journeys to self-discovery and empowerment. I believe that everyone has the potential to transform their past challenges into sources of strength and create a life they love.

Conclusion:

Feeling lost is a natural part of the human experience, especially during the transformative years of young adulthood. But it doesn't have to be a permanent state. By embracing self-reflection, challenging limiting beliefs, exploring your passions, and setting meaningful goals, you can create a life that feels authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling.

Remember, your story is still being written. You have the power to shape your narrative and create a future that reflects your true potential.

Ready to embark on this transformative journey?

I invite you to connect with me for a free consultation to discuss your unique goals and challenges. Together, we can explore how coaching can support you in rewriting your story and stepping into your full potential.

Just go to my website at www,sagemodecoaching.com/contact and fill out the form to book a free consultation to overcome your obstacles and unleash your full potential!