When I reflect on my childhood, I often think about how much my mom struggled as a single mother. She did the best she could with limited support, but raising kids alone is like climbing a mountain with no one to catch you if you fall.

My father was absent, an alcoholic and a drug addict, and that left a gaping void. No real male role models. No one to show me what a man should be. Or to guide me against the stigmas of being a man.

Looking at my sister now, I see her walking the same path my mom did. A single mom raising three kids, facing the same struggles.

I'm not saying that her ex-husband isn't around or involved. Thankfully he is a good man, and is consistently around the kids, helping my sister out around the house and etc.

But I’m here for her. And most importantly, I’m here for my niece and nephews. I’ve taken all the lessons of growing up with my father not around very much and turned them into something powerful: my role as an uncle.

Only We: The Unique Role of Uncles and Aunts

"An uncle's love can't be measured; it's a priceless gift that is felt deeply." - Unknown

Uncles and aunts have the power to step in where gaps exist. In a world where so many kids grow up in fractured homes, it’s only we who can fill those spaces.

We are not just another adult in the child's life—we are their guide, their sounding board, their role model. What we do, how we act, and how involved we are can shape who they become. 

Parents, especially single moms or dads, carry so much weight on their shoulders. It’s our responsibility as aunts and uncles to lighten that load. Our presence and support can help create the village that’s so necessary for a child’s development.

And let's be honest here, how many of YOU out there wished you had that kind of role model or support growing up?

A loving uncle or aunt who was consistently there for you, by your side to hold your hand when you felt alone, or to listen to you when you needed someone other than your parent/s (who for some reason could never understand us) and teach you things about life or different perspective?

What My Childhood Taught Me

I didn’t grow up with strong male role models. My dad was out of the picture, and my mom did her best to fill both roles. But there were things she couldn’t teach me.

When I look back now, I realize that not having a father figure left me searching for examples of manhood. I know that void shaped who I became—and the choices I made.

My past is the reason why I’m so determined to be the best role model for my niece and nephews today. And I wouldn't change any of that for the world.

My father thankfully is apart of my life now. He is almost 20 years sober and I'm glad to have him in my life. But everything happens for a reason, and I feel that my upbringing had built me up to be the role model and uncle for my niece and nephews that I was meant to be.

The love and attention we give as uncles and aunts aren't just gifts—they are critical pieces in the identity puzzle these kids are putting together. They’re learning who they are, what they value, and how they view the world, and our input matters.

Helping Single Parents: It’s More Than Just Babysitting

"Every child needs a hero in their life, and an uncle can be that person." - Unknown

Being an uncle or an aunt is not just about stepping in to babysit. It’s about being present for the important moments and the mundane ones too.

It's helping them build their identity, showing them different perspectives, and teaching them lessons they can’t get elsewhere. Kids need a support system, and so do their parents.

One of the most profound moments in my life was the day my niece was born. My values shifted completely. I realized that I wanted to grow, not just for myself, but to be the best possible role model for her and the nephews who would come later. I wanted to be a positive force in their lives, someone they could look up to.

So I quit drinking. I quit smoking weed. Not saying you have to do any of this yourself, but it felt like a must for me. I wanted to do it.

It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to support parents. Whether or not you're related, every adult in a child's life plays a role in shaping them.

It always makes me sad thinking that there are single moms and dads out there with sibiling who live close by and don't have children and they never come over to see or spend time with their kids. I couldn't imagine not wanting to see those kids, or take them out to go to the movies, play zone, or our ice cream dates.

Practical Steps: How to Be a Present Uncle or Aunt

 - Spend time with your nieces and nephews regularly. Even if it’s just a simple walk in the park or helping with homework, your presence matters.

- Be a role model in how you manage stress, how you handle challenges, and how you treat others. Kids are always watching and learning. Lead by example.

- Offer support to your sibling or the child’s parents. Sometimes it’s emotional support, other times it’s simply being there to listen.

- Teach them values you wish you’d learned earlier. Show them how to be kind, resilient, and self-aware.

- Visible love yourself, and take care of yourself. This one is super important to me. This doesn't mean just take care of yourself and only care about yourself. It means to show your niece and/or nephews what respecting yourself looks like. The boundaries you set, how you treat yourself or let others treat you.

If kids see us always putting others first also, they'll do the same, and we don't want that. They could neglect their needs or wants because growing up, they internalized that others happiness is more important than our own.

- Engage a growth mindset. Help them learn that challenges are opportunities for growth, and that it's not so much about the result of things, but more about the effort and persistence.

- Be there for the hard times too. Show up when you are needed most and can make the most impact.

Adam Bulger said on Fatherly. "Good uncles take an active part in their nieces’ and nephews’ lives. They spend time with them, offer valuable perspective on the family, and help resolve conflicts. They’re people with whom kids and parents can both trust with difficult subjects and to advocate for their interests."

Why Being an Uncle or Aunt Can Change Your Life

It’s not just about the kids. Being a dedicated and present uncle or aunt forces you to become a better version of yourself. You have to become the person you want them to look up to. When you focus on being the best uncle, you start working on being the best person.

So in reality, they are actually giving you a gift. Because when we want to be better and do better in the world, the difference and impact we make in peoples lives is out of this world.

Don't just do it for them, do it for yourself. Do it to raise the bar of what is capable of you, of who you could become and the impact you can make in peoples lives. This is the real change and influence that you cause.

When your niece and nephew see this, they model it, because they love you. And what could possible be or feel more rewarding and amazing than that?

Breaking the Cycle

“Being a role model is the most important kind of educating.” - John Wooden

When I think about the toxic cycles in my family—whether it’s poverty, mental illness, or substance abuse, I realize that I want to be the one who breaks it.

I don’t want to be another absent role model in my family’s story. Instead, I want to be someone who’s there, helping these kids become better, stronger, and more aware than I ever was.

If you’re an uncle or aunt, especially to a single parent’s kids, step up. They need you. The kids need you. And honestly, you’ll be better for it too.

So, show up for activities, show support during life’s troubles, lead by example and maintain a relationship through all of life’s stages.

Conclusion:

If you’re an aunt or an uncle, how can you be more involved? Start by reflecting on the role you’re playing in your niece or nephew's life. Think about how you can help shape their values, support their development, and provide the role model they need. 

Could you start connecting with them by going out for ice cream and asking them questions? Or taking them to an activity like a fun house or go carting to bond over laughter and smiles?

Do they need a listening ear when they are feeling emotional? Or do they need you to show up and support them and be their biggest fan at their soccer game or gymnastics tournament?

Some questions to ask yourself are,

• What role do you want to play in your niece or nephews life?

• What values are important to pass on to the next generation?

• What did you not get, or wished you had as a kid, that you can provide for your niece or nephew?

• How can you help support your sibling as a parent?

But wait! Let Me Help You!

If you're looking to begin that journey of growth to be a better uncle or aunt, I have free resources on my website from improving your thoughts to cultivating a growth mindset.

Or join my newsletter to get tips, insights, and resources on how to be the best role model possible. It’s time to make a difference, one small step at a time.