We all want to be better people. It's ingrained in us. But sometimes obstacles and problems seem to just get in the way over and over again leaving us feeling like utter failures and worthless people.

I get it. I have been there before. You try so hard to improve your health only to injure yourself or continuously eat unhealthy foods at 9PM. Maybe you try to improve your communication or relationship with your partner or family member, only to keep falling short.

Now it has got to the point where it feels like a losing battle and you have no direction and you'll never get the life or become the person you truly want. You feel like you have no clarity and that the change you so desire and needed isn't even possible.

But what if it doesn't have to be that way any longer? What if you finally started to build momentum and the life you truly wanted? Ever thing you dreamed of seeming to start to come into existence and looking possible?

Well, it is. In the person development, self-improvement, or whatever industry you want to call it, the guru's usually have no problem spitting information at you without warning you about the potential pitfalls of actually reaching out into the universe and attempting to reach new heights.

They don't tell you what to watch out for, what's actually hard, and the best practices to remember in order to achieve the transformation or change you really want.

You don't need yourself together enough or need to have all your ducks in a row to make real, significant change in your life. That's called perfectionism. You'll no longer feel so hopeless and frustrated whenever you reach for your goals and dreams and fall short. Because I am going to share with you seven secrets of self-improvement that no one tells you that not only changed my life, but will change yours too.

1. It’s Going to Be Hard, and That’s Okay

Growth is rarely easy. You’re going to stumble, and sometimes you’ll feel like you’re moving backward instead of forward. Accepting that mistakes are part of the journey allows you to grow resilient and keep moving, even when the path is tough.

This is especially hard if you suffer from perfectionism. I myself used to struggle a lot with making mistakes and failure at something. It got so bad that in middle school and high school, I would never raise my hands in class because of my fear of saying something stupid or getting the answer wrong. wrong.

I had to push myself and still have to push myself in multiple areas of my life in order for me to know that I am improving myself to be the person that I want to become. You do too. If you truly want to grow, you have to face the facts and recognize the things that you aren't good at or that you know is going to challenge you.

2. Discomfort is Essential for Growth

Growth happens outside your comfort zone. If there isn’t a hint of fear, ask yourself: are you really challenging yourself? Embrace that nervous energy as a sign that you’re stepping into new territory.

Fear is just a message. All emotions are just messages from your body and brain trying to communicate that something is going on. It doesn't matter if it is fear, anger, or joy.

Remember this: fear is usually your body telling you that what you are about to do, a may not succeed at it, and you care. If you didn't care about it, do you think that you would still get afraid? Not a chance. Relish in the fact that your body is telling you that you care about something, and that it's even more of a reason to do it, despite the fear.

If something makes you feel discomfort, it's an opportunity to stretch yourself and improve yourself. Do hard things, and watch yourself grow.

3. Growth Isn’t Linear

"80% of success is just showing up." - Woody Allen

Progress doesn’t always go up. Expect setbacks and moments where you feel stuck. The important part is to keep showing up, knowing that each challenge teaches you something, even if it’s not immediately obvious.

This step is so vital to be aware of because once you are, having setbacks and making mistakes feels so much less catastrophic. The weight and pressure of having to get everything right is lightened, feeling like the you finally decided to drop that dead weight that you had been carrying all this time.

Doing this is hard at first, but gradually over time as you continue to remind yourself of this principal, you not only begin to get better at understanding it, but failure, mistakes or setbacks suddenly start feeling like an opportunity instead of a curse.

Because that's what they are, lessons on what not to do.

4. Consistency Over Motivation

Motivation is fleeting, but consistency is what drives real change. Small daily wins add up over time. Instead of aiming for grand gestures, focus on what you can achieve each day, no matter how small it seems.

Some people call these micro-habits. Think exercise. Instead of going out to a gym that's a twenty-five minute drive one way, paying all the money for a membership, learning how to use the equipment and planning on going for two hours six days a week, what if instead you decided to do push-ups and squats using your body weight for five minutes?

Not only are you more likely to achieve that objective, but you're also more likely to continue doing it, eventually stretching it out and increasing the duration or intensity. Building those small wins reminds you that you are capable.

5. Your “Why” is More Powerful than “How”

Knowing your reasons for growth—the true “why” behind your efforts—is essential. Answers to “how” may change, but if your reasons are solid, you’ll find ways to adapt, even when obstacles arise.

You compelling reasons, as one of my mentors calls them, are the real motivations behind doing what you do. Reasons come first, answers come second as the famous Jim Rohn used to always say.

Because if you have a big enough "why", then it doesn't matter what the "how" is. You'll figure out a way and do it.

6. Vulnerability is a Strength, Not a Weakness

Being open and vulnerable is crucial for growth. Vulnerability allows you to connect with others, be honest with yourself, and take the kinds of risks that lead to meaningful change.

While all that is important though, that's not the reason why vulnerability made it onto the list of seven secrets. See, when utilized correctly and used effectively, vulnerability is quite possibly in my opinion, the most important aspect of self-improvement. Here's why:

Think back to a time where you faced a significant challenge or obstacle in your life. Something that cause you quite a bit of pain, discomfort, possibly hurt. Now I want you to remember thhat time and see if that moment cause you to grow. Usually it does.

Now I want you to ask yourself if you were vulnerable in during that challenging moment? I bet the answer is also yes.

See, here is what I have come to realize after connecting with so many people from around the world and from the events in my own life: Without vulnerability, we do not grow because we don't have anything to lose.

Take my acting for instance. I am an introvert at heart, so the idea of getting up on stage and performing, acting out a scene and expressing emotions, (especially as a man) but it had always been a dream of mine.

I would be lying if I told you that I just easily opened up the website, clicked on the acting classes, purchased and happily and confidently hopped to the studio to begin my journey as an actor. Nope. Not even a little. Instead I faced a lot of fear, discomfort, and it was incredibly hard to go there and stand up on stage. To be real, i was terrified.

But, in order for me to reach for want I wanted, I had to do it. Despite the fear, the discomfort, and knowing that it was a new skill I'd have to learn and expose myself on stage, I did it. Now that is vulnerability. And that is exactly why is vital to growth. Whether that's a karate tournament, writing a book, or expressing how something made us feel hurt in a relationship. Vulnerability is at the heart of growth.

7. Patience is a Skill to Build

Patience is the ultimate test of character. Growth takes time, and learning to wait while putting in the work is challenging but necessary. Cultivating patience keeps you grounded and focused on the journey, not just the destination.

This is a lesson that I am still learning till this day because oh man do I struggle with this one. It's not that I expect results right away, but when I am working incredibly hard at something and I either don't accomplish what I set out to achieve, or I'm not seeing progress as fast as I'd like to, it hurts and stresses me out.

Honestly, as I write this I realize that I could and probably will write a whole article on patience. That's how important I realized it was in my own life, and everyone else around me.

We are not going to get everything that we set out to get, at least not right away. Like the other secrets I shared, we will constantly face obstacles, discomfort, fear, and other road blocks along the way.

But when we develop patience, that pressure to get everything done all at once, or to climb that ladder at your job in an unrealistic timeframe that's probably causing you pain, it seems to lessen. I don't think that it actually vanishes, or at least it hasn't for me yet.

Bonus Secret: Knowledge Means Nothing Without Practice

Self-improvement isn’t just about acquiring knowledge; it’s about applying it. Reading blogs, books, and taking courses only get you so far—it’s the practice and real-life application that lead to genuine transformation.

There is an old saying. "Knowledge isn't power, knowledge is only potential power." meaning that if we don't create a plan of action of how we are going to apply and use the information that we have received, than either you will just forget it or it will sit around uselessly in your head.

In order to get real results in your life and to see true change and transformation, then you MUST apply what you have learned. For example: if you walk away from reading this article and you don't make a plan to recognize what you are fearing or avoiding because it is hard and do it anyways, then you probably are just going to walk away from this article feeling motivated.

I don't want that. I want you to utilize what I have learned through trial and error in my own life and where I have seen the most growth so you don't have to go through the ringer making the same mistakes I did.

Make These Secrets Work For You

Self-improvement is a journey filled with challenges, discomfort, and lessons that are often unexpected. As you’ve seen from these seven secrets, growth is complex and demands resilience, courage, and a willingness to be uncomfortable.

But remember, you don’t need everything to be perfect, nor do you have to wait until you “have it all together.” Real transformation happens when you commit to showing up, embracing setbacks, and finding strength in vulnerability.

Take these secrets with you as a reminder that growth isn’t meant to be flawless or fast. It’s about consistency, patience, and having a powerful “why” that keeps you grounded. Most importantly, apply what you’ve learned.

Knowledge without action won’t get you where you want to be. Start small, stay consistent, and watch as each step you take brings you closer to becoming the person you’ve always envisioned.

Need More Hands On Help?

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